May 27, 2009

This past Memorial Day weekend we went to Yosemite National Park where we hiked every day, made smores every night and slept each night in a warm sleeping blanket amidst the cold, cold air. Camping not only reminds me of the joy of being around nature, but it also reminds me of the playfulness experienced in my youth.

I miss being young…I can vividly recall knowing as a child that life as I knew it: playing with my siblings, attending school and being close to my parents…would soon fade one day. I knew I'd have to ‘grow up' and become my own woman, build my own family and create my own life. Now that I have created my space in this world, I am still drawn to the ideas of family, connection and love. As I look at my son today, I feel so much love, protection and endearment towards him.  One of my biggest hopes for him is to meet someone who will love him as much as I do.

I know that's the biggest desire for any parent….

…to have their child be loved by someone just as they love him/her
…to accept their weaknesses, encourage their strengths, and allow them to grow
...to see their potential, have faith in their dreams and trust that they will never doubt your love
That's what I want for Christian, for my brother and for my nephew…

That's the kind of love I want to develop for David.

Unlike a mother and a son, it's hard to love someone when you don't feel intrinsically connected to them.  It's hard to accept and appreciate someone for being just like you: a human being who has flaws, imperfections and internal complexity. Above all, it's tough to LOVE someone when you know the strength and commitment behind that word.

One of the biggest things I miss about being young is the first feelings of being in love: When someone outside of your family says “I Love You” for the first time and you believe he accepts you for all that you are. I remember how those words would fuel my adolescent break ups and juvenile tears at night. The idea of being in love seemed to be all you'd ever need.

As you grow older, ‘love' becomes complex, intricate and flawed. It begins having ultimatums and expectations.  Love loses its authentic value somewhere along your life route.

Every person in my life has taught me something about living – but the most important person teaching me life's greatest wisdom is my tiny son. In loving him, I know more fully that it is in ‘giving' love when we receive the blessings of knowing exactly what true love is.

unconditional.