May 7, 2008

I am very excited. The day is sunny. The sky is clear. I ran this morning…but most significantly, I left a really great meeting where I presented Fitness without Borders to the Elk Grove School District. Not only did we get great applause for the programs we are initiating, but we also received positive feedback for the fitness clubs we will start implementing in both junior and high schools this fall. Since its conception, FWB has become a force on its own…a combination of networking, researching and just plain working has reaped some solid results in less than 2 months.

On Saturday we went on a short trip to Tahoe with my parents and on Sunday we attended the ground breaking of our church, Good Shepherd. It was a huge, momentous occasion, especially since I remember attending mass at a local Elementary school when the church first congregated. Many parishioners attended, including some of the kids I instruct every Thursday at 4pm. It was interesting to look at this community and feel like we were joined in an effort to raise our kids in a safe haven where good moral values were being taught and practiced.

I feel a strong sense of home and community right now – more than I had ever felt my entire life.

All my life I felt like I could pick up and move anywhere, simply because of two reasons: Firstly, I never felt the warm and secure feelings of being ‘home’…anywhere. I always felt very disconnected to places and people. Secondly, I have a very adaptable personality. It is very easy for me to travel or move because I meet new friends and create similar daily routines everywhere.

This past year however, a lot of things have changed. My grocer knows me. My favorite juice place knows me. My group instructor knows me. I am networking with influencers, contributing to the community, teaching students and working with my parents. I am starting to finally remember people’s names (since I’ve always been terrible at it) and getting to really know my community. It feels amazing.

I am starting to feel home.

That sense of security wasn't found because the places or the people changed....Things Changed, because I Changed.  I became less selfish. I stepped outside my mind. I began contributing more. I began asking questions. More importantly, I extensively thought about what I really, really wanted 3 years from now.

I want a family. I want to be married. I want lots of kids…I want to contribute to the community and travel - most of all, I want to be at peace and in love with life, just as I am today.

…and while I was happy last year, I wasn’t reaping the results I wanted. I knew that I’d be lonely because I would be far from my family. I knew I’d be stressed because it’s in my nature to work hard. I knew I would be resentful for devoting time to a company that wasn’t my own. I knew I would be so independent that I would seemingly not need a male companion. I knew I’d regret not spending more time with my mom who was sickly. I also knew that all the things I envisioned as a child: of having a simple, almost ‘country-like’ life, would be impossible because the circumstances didn’t allow the possibility...

So I changed my circumstances – and I forced myself to grow.

In those decisions, you sacrifice a piece of your ‘ego’ as well as allow a piece of who you think you are to ‘die’. It’s scary to lose yourself, but as I say often, it is in those moments you find yourself.

I am so excited about the things arriving – but more than anything, I’m excited to have come ‘home’ to myself.

 God Bless all of you.