March 22, 2007

Happy Anniversary! Woooohoo! It’s been officially 2 years since I wrote my 1st journal entry detailing what ‘a new adventure’ this would be…and boy has it been an adventure!!

2 years ago I created this site at 2am, bloated from my last Bulimic ‘episode’, stagnant in my chosen path to be ‘unemployed’, and dealing with a new spiritual awakening …

When I write the word “dealing” I seriously mean I was DEALING with this newfound ‘fire’ inside my belly. While I was only 23, I’ve experienced a lot due to my confusing upbringing, volatile environment, highly sensitive nature, curious personality and compassion for other living beings. In last 2003, after realizing I had successfully competed in 6 competitions, moved to San Francisco, travelled to distant countries and graduated with double majors and a minor....I looked at a body 'perfected' for fitness contests, a face that 'charmed' and persuaded judges and a mind so tenacious it would never give up.... and I felt EMPTY. I realized that none of this made me happy. I started questioning what happiness, success, love and passion meant? I started examining past decisions and personal events....and I started feeling alone.

I began crying a lot...and I couldn't express why. I felt simultaneous emotions of both love and hate. I'd go about my days with tears falling down naturally.

One day as I cried and confessed my personal challenges to someone close to me, I was offered anti-depressent pills. As I held the bottle of Paxil in my hand, I realized that I couldn't escape what infiltrated my brain and I couldn't submit myself to the pressures of wanting a 'quick fix'....I would battle these newest revelations day by day and nothing would influence me to choose any other route.

I experienced what can best be described as a ‘euphoric’ state of grace…all of sudden the world and the beauty of its eternity opened up inside my heart. I felt like I was given a birdseye view of my life and this world and all of a sudden…I stopped being scared.
 
I felt alive.

 I felt like I could run for hours and write for days. I felt like I could see the light in every organism and understand how love played the biggest role in our evolution.

It was amazing.

And while I felt a loving presence in my soul, simultaneously, I also began my battle with my body, my brain and my beliefs. 

While I ‘saw the light’ I started battling everything I ‘thought was real’ – EVERYTHING. From success, beauty, friends, relationships, career, family….I had to re-define what all those things meant to me and start playing a new life game in which I made my rules and chose not to play with those who didn’t respect me and the presence I bring to the table.

When I wrote the first words on this site I was “dealing” with a passion inside my spirit that needed desperately to be released. All of us will find a form of communication, in which we can ‘express’ the human-ness of what makes us who we are, whether it be through music, art, writing, acting, performing, cooking, creating, speaking…..we all must ‘let go’ of what is inside of us.  

Many people have inquired and congratulated me on my courage to be so 'open' real and honest on a public domain - and while it seems scary to put yourself out there....honestly, it is more scary to live in silence and without courage to be who you are.

I’ve always believed that the measure of a person’s wisdom is not determined by their age. Wisdom is created through growth and new revelations founded through experiences.  The only way to “experience” life is to be conscious of what each chosen event  teaches you about the miracles that exists to create that moment in time.

THAT is what this site has been about….

THANK YOU FOR READING.

 

Some Stats...

- I've had over 40,000 unique visitors on mariakang.com (these are mostly by referrals and my fitness writings)
- Since October 2006, I've had 13,000 unique visitors on fitnesscure.com
- My most popular journal entries (most printed and viewed) in the last 2 years are:

(click to view)

Giving Constant Gratitude

Speed

Shades of Grey

"Faith"

My walk with God

my birthday

- My modeling pictures is my most popular gallery page
- My friends is my 2nd most popular gallery page
- My family is my 3rd most popular gallery page

- There has been 19,000 hits on my ebook.

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I added rss feed links to fitnesscure.com as well as a donations page for those interested in supporting the site and helping the elderly. Have a blessed week everyone!

This is Tiger Kang!!!

Picture taken today around 3 hours ago! I loveeeee my dog.
And I love kissing dog noses!!!

isn't he cuuutttteee!!


Just to let y'all know- I call these shoes my 'frankenstein' shoes...I bought it a LONG time ago when I was going through an 'anti-Maria' stage!