December 19, 2006 

It is officially 1 week before Christmas and I have admittedly not shopped for absolutely anything as of right now. However, I did manage to make my holiday trail mix, build a stellar gingerbread house and attend 2 annual Holiday parties this past week.

I've been in an anxious mood for a few years now…and while it's a weird emotion for some people, it's a feeling that I have become accustomed to in my years of 'getting to know myself.'  Through trials and experiences, I know that I usually mistake my enthusiasm for dreams soon to come with the anxiousness that pervades my body daily.

Tonight, as I trained alone on the stair climber for over an hour, I continued my efforts to patiently listen to the silence of my heart. In these past few, difficult months, I've really disciplined myself to focus on positive aspects of my life - and while I often needed the guidance, support and companionship of another loving soul…I didn't reach for any instant, gratifying source, instead, I prayed that God will let my spirit be invisibly heard by the man I am destined to meet and love one day.

Everything I do today…I do for the things I know will arrive in my future.

I train my body, so that it can one day house healthy babies. I train my mind, so that it can one day teach universal lessons. I train my spirit, so that is can one day physically manifest the beauty that exists deep within all of our souls.

And today…as I existed silently in the chores of my daily life, I trained my heart, so that it can one day 'know' when it has become fulfilled in the presence of a man who instantly resonates with it.

As many know, I set professional, physical and personal goals on a weekly basis….but what most people don't realize is that my strength, ambition and independence is not only essential for my present survival, but more importantly, these powerful skills is necessary for my future alignment in a romantic partnership that will require us to both 'match' in similar energies. I also know that everything I am, he already houses, but will embody so much more...

And it is this belief that makes me anxious today…in fact, I have admittedly been anxious for this sychronized event my entire life. But today...as seasons pass and another year dies with the last, I feel my anxiousness shifting to a distinct enthusiasm in my soul.

While days are spent alone training myself physically, challenging myself professionally, and disciplining my desires spiritually…I have deep rooted confidence that he is somewhere out there preparing for my arrival and thinking of me too -

Everything we are, and everything we do...prepares us for the "yet to come's".....life is a journey, and it's meant to be shared with someone else.

This entry is a prayer to whoever you are. Maybe not today, and especially not tomorrow, but I know one day... this entry will make sense.

Journal Pictures: December 19, 2006

Holiday Dinner with the 24seven Team. I was awarded the "Big Shoe to Fit" (BSTF) award - for as Mike put it: "somehow always being able to figure out a way to get things done." (Mike used to oversee the Shaq clubs in Miami, hence the award title and trophy)

With Chris Lincoln and Barbara Pochop - While I'm smiling, I think you can see the fatigue in my eyes. I've been so tired lately!

Angel and I with our cousin, Kimberly Kang and Daniell-a at our annual Christmas Party at Saint Joseph's Hall.

This is a well loved little girl! I taught her the splits the night before!

There were 3 tables full of food!

Somehow I got the short gene in the family!

Sunday with the kids. It took a lot of effort on Everyone's part to not eat the candy! One day we want to make a humongous gingerbread house!

This is my most recent look: I call it: 'just had a crazy long day' look.